Willpower is like a muscle. The more you train it, the stronger it gets.
I believed this for a long time. But then when I grew brains I thought about it and realized that this analogy is flawed. If you think it makes sense, feel free to explain it in the comments. Meanwhile, here’s my take: willpower is a myth.
The word “willpower” seems to be a product of intellectual laziness. When people can’t figure out why one person sticks to a goal while another doesn’t, they chalk it up to this mythical force called willpower.
Take Jack and John: Jack hits the gym daily, working out tirelessly, while John stays glued to his couch playing video games. John also wants muscles, but he doesn’t take action. The easy conclusion: Jack has strong willpower, and John doesn’t. But where does that leave John? Should he just “train his willpower”?
John doesn’t have the willpower! See the flaw in that reasoning? Telling John to train a nonexistent force won’t help.
Battle of the Urges
Willpower doesn’t exist. What really happens is a battle of urges, where the strongest urge wins.
Jack’s urge to be fit and look good is stronger than any competing distractions like playing video games. John, despite wanting muscles, has a stronger urge to keep gaming, which overrides his desire to work out.
It’s not that John doesn’t understand the downsides of being a couch potato. He knows it’s bad for his health and future. Is he dumb for not acting on this knowledge? No, of course not. His desire for muscles shows that he understands the benefits of working out.
Let’s assume John is fully aware of how exercise could improve his life. He starts working out for a few days but quickly loses momentum. Sound familiar? It’s not about lacking willpower. It’s about having competing urges—and the stronger one always wins.
Now you can relate to him, can’t you? And it’s not only about the gym. It can be about anything in life where you feel you want to do this thing but willpower is lacking. What’s actually happening there is that you have a stronger urge and a weaker urge. And the stronger urge wins, so you end up being drawn to the things for which the urge was stronger.
The Real Solution
If you think you’re lacking “willpower,” look in the mirror and admit the truth: “I don’t want it badly enough.”
How strong is your desire to be fit, look great, and stay healthy? If it’s not strong enough to get you off the couch, the issue isn’t willpower—it’s the strength of your urge.
Let’s break down how urges form. They come from vividly imagining positive outcomes. The more clearly you can picture how your life improves by doing X (like going to the gym) and how it worsens by continuing with Y (like gaming), the stronger your urge to pursue X becomes. Once that urge dominates—bingo!—you’ll take action.
A familiar example: How does your desire for a new phone build up? By seeing ads, watching reviews, and constantly thinking about it. Over time, your curiosity grows into an urge that leads to a purchase. You’ve been unintentionally building that urge. Now, imagine applying the same technique deliberately.
The same technique works for anything else, and you can use it intentionally.
Visualize all the ways your life will improve if you work out and become fit and healthy. You will look more attractive, get more attention from women, have better sex, increase your confidence, perform better at work, have a better overall mood, and have a great life. These outcomes might vary for you, but visualization and daydreaming cost nothing.
Put a wallpaper on your screen reminding you of the good outcome of doing X, use affirmations, constantly visualize your goal, and surround yourself with people who’ve achieved it. The more you do this, the stronger your urge will grow to take action.
Don’t worry about willpower and use your imagination to fuel your urges.