I’ve already discussed how spirituality and narcissism are linked. In this piece, without talking about spirituality, I’m going to explain one straightforward idea: the person who claims to be selfless is the most self-obsessed.
The extent to which someone insists they’re operating “without ego” is the extent to which they’re actually narcissistic. The irony is, they have a large ego, just hidden behind a mask of selflessness.
What Is Ego?
Ego is simply your awareness of yourself. It’s the “I” that acts and experiences. If you think of yourself as the doer of actions and the receiver of experiences, that’s your ego. Awareness of your own existence and identity is what we call ego.
Some say ego is the root of suffering, the source of all problems, and therefore something to eliminate. But can it really be eliminated?
Absolutely not.
Even the monks and sages claiming to live without ego—my argument is that they have an even bigger ego. This may sound outrageous to some people. How can someone preaching selflessness, someone who’s rejected worldly pleasures and material pursuits, be considered narcissistic?
Many can’t comprehend that idea.
It might sound profound to say, “I’m so self-aware that I realize nothing is in my control. I’m merely an observer, letting things happen to me.” That might sound enlightened, but it’s actually absurd. Saying you’re not doing or receiving anything, just observing, is illogical.
Why Ego Can’t Be Eliminated
I challenge anyone who claims to be ego-free: don’t you want to sleep in safety away from physical dangers? When you wake up, don’t you want to drink water? Or go to the bathroom? All of these are basic desires. Even the simple act of wanting to eat shows desire. Claiming you’re only “observing” while fulfilling these needs is contradictory.
If you truly had no ego, you would have no desires. Because who has desires? You, that’s ego. Wihtout ego, and thus without desires, you’d be no different from a plant. Desire is the fuel for any action at all. Moving a finger requires a desire to move it. Walking implies a destination. Without desire, there would be no action, and without action, there’s only death.
Having desire and awareness means you have ego. So claiming to live without ego is absurd. The mere fact that you can have conversations about ego elimination shows you have a desire for people to know about your so-called “egolessness”—and that’s pure ego in action.
Obsession With Ego
To say, “I have no ego” is the ultimate irony. The reason I say those who preach egolessness have the biggest egos is simple: they’re constantly focused on ego.
I’m not even thinking about it. For me, ego just exists. My self-awareness is sanity itself, and I don’t spend time contemplating it.
When I succeed, I acknowledge it and take pride in my achievement. When I fail, I take responsibility. I don’t obsess over my ego because I accept it as a part of my being. But the person who constantly thinks about ego, who is determined to eliminate it, is chasing an impossible goal. Pushing ego away only makes it more central to their life.
This is similar to the “NoFap” movement. The biological urge to masturbate comes from a natural sexual desire. Most people don’t dwell on it. When they feel the urge, they act on it or don’t, and they move on. But those who constantly preach against it are actually the most obsessed with it.
Just like the urge for sex exists, ego exists. It’s neither good nor bad; it simply is. Trying to eliminate it only creates more obsession around it. Avoiding the desire to act on something as natural as sexual desire takes energy. When the urge arises, the NoFapper chants, “I must resist.” That’s an obsession with an urge that most people barely think about.
In the same way, the people who talk most about being “egoless” are actually the most self-obsessed. You can’t rid yourself of ego. Attempting to do so or pretending it’s gone is just self-delusion. Proclaiming to be egoless is either an attempt to fool the world—textbook narcissism—or a delusion of grandeur, which is also narcissistic.
So stop obsessing over ego or selflessness. Ego simply is. It can be healthy, and it’s essential for staying sane.